Matis Fireside

I haven’t written in while, but not much has actually happened lately.  I’m just buckling down for finals and all that garbage.  I’m going to be so relieved when it is all done.

Tonight, I hung out with some guys from my group that I’ve been getting to know.  They are really great guys.  I was a bit nervous about doing anything with anyone from the group outside of our regular meetings, but I’m glad I have been.  They invited me to to go to the Matis’ Fireside this Friday night.  I want to go, but at the same time, I don’t.  I’m excited that I might be able to hang out with these guys and get to know some others.  I’m excited to actually attend a Matis fireside.  I’ve been curious about them for a while.

I feel overwhelmed with the idea of meeting so many MoHo’s all at once.  Also, what if I see someone there that I know.  I don’t know why that scares me so much.  It’s like when I was a kid and I would go to the D.I. to find cool old things that I could buy.  I was so scared that I might see someone there who was really shopping.  I feel bad saying that now.  The D.I. is a great place, but I really didn’t want to be seen there as a kid.  As I was saying, I don’t know why I’m so scared that I might see someone I know.  They are probably there for the same reason that I am.  If not, than they are at least supporting someone who struggles.

All of this is very strange to me.  I have always been the one to do new things without any fear.  I love doing new things.  I don’t get nervous very often.  Why now?

So……Why should I go?  If I do go, what should I expect?


9 Responses

  1. Hey man…don’t worry about being scared. I went last month for the first time and I was terrified! Even as I was pulling in the parking lot I didn’t know if I could go through with it. One of my major fears was that my sister or brother-in-law (who live literally right around the corner from the place) would see me. It was a lot, I won’t lie, but it was also very amazing. I’ve had mixed emotions about the fireside this Friday but only because of other stuff I’m going through. I’ll promise you that if you go you’ll have a great time.

  2. Sarah and I will almost certainly be there, and it will be our first time too. I hope you’ll go, and I hope you’ll find us and introduce yourself–we’d love to meet you.

    It’s perfectly normal to be scared, I think. By going, you’re exposing a part of yourself that you’ve kept hidden for a long time. That’s a scary thing. But the benefits of the meeting new friends who can be a strength and a support to you when things get difficult (and they will, at least every once in a while) will make it worth facing the fear, I think.

    Hope to see you Friday!

  3. It will be my first time as well. Two weeks ago my wife and I hopped in the car and drove to Scott’s gathering at his home. I was terrified. I had the same fears that you do. It turned out wonderful. It was an amazing experience and I will always be grateful to Scott and Sarah for providing such an opportunity.

    I hope to see you there Friday.


  4. Wish I could go. I’d probably be terrified too, but I would still go. Hope you’ll post afterward and tell us all what happened.

  5. Hey man….I don’t know if you get these emails on your cell or not but if you do, email me and let me know if you made it.

  6. First of all, this is an awesome blog, I just read through pretty much all of your posts!

    Secondly, what is this Matis fireside? I’m not gay, but I have a lot of questions about homosexuality and the Church and this fireside sounded interesting. Does it happen every month?

  7. @ Austin
    Hey man, thanks for commenting. I appreciate it and I’m glad you enjoy my blog. I’ve really enjoyed yours a lot as well. I spent a lot of time yesterday reading it and playing with songbird. Thanks!

    The Matis Fireside is held on the first Monday of every month in Lehi, Utah. The next one is on the 5th, and the speaker is Ty Mansfield. He is the author of a book titled “in Quiet Desperation”. The first part is about the Matis’ son who struggled with SSA and later committed suicide. The second is about Ty’s struggles with SSA. If you are around and want to come, let me know!

  8. One more thing Austin – Feel free to ask me any questions at all. I’m open. If you want my email address or skype info or whatever, I’m happy to talk.
    I was also thinking about a website you might like. I love it. It actually reminds me a bit of your blog, but the guy that writes it is a MoHo. Anyway, check it out at

  9. I might want to come, that sounds really cool. Shoot me an email (that shows up for you on my comments, right? I don’t know WordPress…) and I’ll decide as I get back to Provo (I’m home in the DC area for the break).

    And thanks for that website, it’s awesome. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned on my blog but I’m a computer science major, so his most recent post was great. If I had time I might have read through all of his posts too 🙂 As it is, I only read like 10.

    As for questions, most of them are just the general “why? how?” kind of questions that everybody wonders about when discussing homosexuality and Mormonism, but thanks for being open to answering whatever questions I have. I’ll see if I have any specific ones for ya!

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