I Did It

Wow!  I did it!  I got up the courage to tell someone that I know that I’m attracted to guys.  It was intense and scary and everything else I thought it would be.  It was amazing.

While my buddies and I were driving home from the Matis Fireside, we were talking about how So Many Stars had told his friend N. that he was attracted to guys.  This got me thinking about who I would tell, if I tell anyone.  I know I definitely want to tell my parents at some point.  I’m going to tell the girl I want to marry before we get married.  I’m still trying to decide how open I want to be about all of this.  I’ve read a few blogs lately that have talked about telling a lot of people (even announcing it in sacrament meeting) so that people will be more understanding.  I agree.  I’m scared though.

Anyway, the rest of the story.  As So Many Stars was telling us his story, I started thinking about who I would tell.  I had been thinking of this for a long time now, even before I “came out” to a counselor or anyone else.  I had decided that the first person I would tell would be my friend C.

C. and I have been really good friends for such a long time.  Our relationship is very much a “brother-sister” relationship.  She recently returned home from a mission early because of depression.  A few weeks after she got home, she was admitted to the psychiatric ward in a hospital.  Her depression was much worse than many people had imagined.  A few days before she was admitted, she told me that she had severe depression and that she had been cutting.  It was hard for me to hear this because I didn’t expect it.  Aside from her parents, I was the only person who knew.  She wanted to tell me because she knew I’d be understanding.  I knew that it wasn’t her choice, and my respect for her grew so much because she was trying to overcome her burden.  I so badly wanted to tell her about my SGA at that time, but I hadn’t even come to terms with it myself.

Because she had trusted me with this secret, I knew I could trust her with mine.  She would be the first to know.  I texted her on Saturday night, and told her I needed to tell her something really important.  She was with her fiance, so I couldn’t talk to her face-to-face, but I decided to tell her anyway.  I told her I would give her a heads up, and then we would go to lunch on Monday to talk about it.  Then I did it.  I sent the text.  “I’m not just attracted to girl.  I’ll let you figure out the rest.”  One minute.  Two minutes.  Three minutes.  It was going so long.  Finally, she texted me back.  She told me how much she loved me and respected me.  She told me that she didn’t know how I have kept this held in for so long, and that she was here for me.  It felt so good.  I wanted to cry.  She asked me a few questions.  These were the usual “Have you acted on it?”, “How long have you known?” questions.

We went to lunch yesterday, and she was so great and understanding.  We talked about her depression and how it was so similar to my SGA.  These are both things that some people are very understanding about, but some people are not.  They think it is a choice.  You can just “snap out” of depression.  Homosexuality is the trend now, and it is a choice.

She reassured me that Heavenly Father loved me so much.  He knew that this is something I could handle.  We talked about how my friends are exactly the kind of friends I need.  My friends are the most understanding and realistic people I know outside of the MoHo community.  If I didn’t have them, things would be very different right now.  She also told me that she was surprised.  I’m glad that it isn’t something that she had known for a long time.

I’m so glad that I have such amazing friends.  Thanks, C.!  I hope you know how much I love you!

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10 Responses

  1. I’m so proud of you!! Way to go! I don’t know what to say because this is the first time I’ve ever actually commented. I’m so glad it went so well. Don’t you feel better now?

  2. Hey man…thanks for sharing this story. I’m so happy for you. At the same time, I’m also very jealous. You’re lucky to have such good, close friends man.

  3. Congratulations brother, it does feel good doesn’t it. Lucky is the person who has such friends.

  4. Wow, cool man. That’s so incredible. It was something like that when I told my best friend and former fiance. I wrote her a letter and a couple days later, got a text that said, “I love you Robert, more later.” If we didn’t have these kinds of friends, we wouldn’t make it. I’m so so glad that you’ve got one or more of them. My guess is that you’ve got such wonderful people as friends because you’re a wonderful person. Birds of a feather, right? You’re awesome man. I’m so happy for ya. Have a really good day.

    One thought. After a lot of thinking, I decided that, as much as I’d like everyone to know and accept it, I decide that I’d only tell the close people…the need-to-know people. Be really careful with who you tell. I don’t think it’s something you do without consequence. One day, I want to be largely defined by my heterosexual relationship. If everyone knows me as a homosexual, then it might make things harder or more complicated. Need-to-know is my policy. Love ya man. Congrats and thanks for posting about it.

  5. I am really happy for you. To have close friends who love you no matter what is one of life’s greatest blessings.

    I also appreciate Roberts counsel.

    You are a good man.

  6. I’m so happy for you. I’m glad you felt loved. You are. Thanks for your uplifting posts and sharing your journey. No doubt good friends will surround you always.

  7. First of all, to everyone else, thanks so much for your comments. They mean so much to me. I only have one person that I wanted to directly reply to. Sorry everyone. And the winner is……..Robert!

    @ Robert
    Hey Man, thanks for that. I had read your story about you telling those two girls, and they sounded like the type of people my friend is. Thanks goodness.
    I really appreciated the second part of your comment. I think I’ve realized how good it feels to tell someone that I know. I want to tell people because that feels so good. However, as I said in an earlier post, this is not something that defines me. It is a burden, but not who I am. I do think that in some ways it is a good idea to raise awareness about MoHo’s in the church. However, I do think it is a very personal thing that need not be shared with everyone. I think I agree more with you about telling only a few people. Thanks for reminding me of that.

  8. Congratulations! I’m glad that your first “coming out” experience was a good one. It’s wonderful to have good, understanding friends to support us and help us through the rough times.

    I agree that Robert has given some good advice, though I think that the perspective that I’ve chosen to take on my own situation has allowed me to approach things from a different angle. Obviously, since I’m “out” to my ward I’m not as worried as some about being “defined” by my homosexuality–and I think that in reality most people (at least those I interact with on a regular basis) have not done so. I’m not treated any differently than I was before.

    Each of us needs to make his own decision about who to tell and when to tell them. My only advice would be to keep your mind open enough that you’ll be ready to act on a prompting to tell someone without worrying about violating some “rule” that you had previously decided to follow.

  9. @ Scott
    Hey, thanks for your comment. I definitely have a lot to think about now as to when and who and how I will tell anyone. Thanks, guys, for helping me to see multiple sides of this.

  10. Thanks Robert & Scott for sharing that advice. Those are some really good points to keep in mind.

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