A Shameless Plug

A friend of mine recently attended the Matis fireside.  I met him through blogging and was so impressed with some of the things he’d written about homosexuality in the church.  He was so understanding.  I commented on one of his posts which led to us having conversations over email.  We became friends on facebook, and of course our only mutual friend was part of the “family”.  He asked how I knew this guy, and I didn’t respond because I didn’t want to out him without his permission.  It was kind of funny that it happened that way.  Anyway, he recently wrote a post about the fireside, and I love it.  I’ve said it before, but I love those people who are not struggling with this who still love us.  Thanks so much those of you who are so loving and concerned for us.  It means so much.

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I’m awkward, but I did tell my parents!

It’s been a long time since I wrote last, and a lot has happened.  Most of the things that have happened aren’t really significant, but they did happen and made me think or learn in some way.  I don’t really want to write about that though.  I don’t really know what I want to write.  I just want my adoring fans to have something to read ;).

Actually, there are a few things I wanted to write about.  First, my Salt Lake trip.  I had so much fun.  I spent a lot of time with MoHo’s.  I went to Temple Square with So Many Stars and Andy.  Later that night, Andy killed me in a game of risk.  It was awesome and I’m not even mad.  I had FHE with Scott and Sarah and D.  They were all so much fun.  I had lunch with Insight and a breakfast with Robert and Andy.  It was really great, but I did a lot of thinking about one problem I’ve had since my mission.  I’m anti-social.

Anti-Social isn’t the right word.  I actually really like being around people and talking to them.  I like having new friends.  I only like awkward moments when I have control over them.  All of this might sound weird, but hopefully you’ll be able to understand where I’m coming from.  When I’m in a new place or meeting new people, I go into a shell and don’t say a whole lot.  I think this makes people feel awkward, and I feel awkward too.  Growing up, I had a lot of friends, but not a whole lot of really good friends.  I was always a little too weird for their group of friends.  I finally found some other people that were too weird for people and we all became really good friends.  Now when I meet new people, I don’t want to overwhelm them with my antics, so I pull in to myself and don’t say much.  I don’t want to lose friends as fast as I can make them.  Instead, I don’t say much and make them feel awkward.  I’m sorry.  I wish I could be myself.  I could, but I don’t.

I thought a lot about that.

On an unrelated note……I told my parents I was gay.  It wasn’t planned or anything.  It just happened.

I’ve been stressing about school and such and I decided that I wanted to talk to my mom about it.  I visited her at work to talk to her about school.  She was right about to go to lunch, so she told me that she would take me with her and we could talk about school there.  It was really good to get her input.  In a weird way that only makes sense in our conversation and what was on my mind, I knew that I was going to tell her that I was gay.  When we got out to her car, I was crying.  I didn’t expect to cry when I told my parents.  I thought it would be the same as when I told anyone else.  I said something like “I wasn’t going to tell you this for about 6 more months….” and my mom half jokingly responded with “Did you get a girl pregnant?”.  I laughed, and told her that I was struggling with Same Gender Attraction.  That actually caught her off guard, and she didn’t really know what to say.  We sat in her parking lot and talked about a lot of stuff.  She was as understanding as I think a mother could be.  She had her motherly worries, of course, but things went well.  She told me that I needed to tell my dad soon.  I agreed.  I didn’t want her to have to know and not my dad.

The next day, I called her to see how things were going.  She told me that she hadn’t slept last night and she had a stomach ache all day.  Great.  She said that mostly it was because she hated my dad not knowing and that she really wanted me to talk to him that day.  I agreed.  I don’t think it is healthy for a husband and a wife to keep things from each other.  She told me she didn’t know how he’d react, and that scared me.  I was certain he’d react well, but if my mom didn’t know how he’d be about it…..well great!  That helps me to feel better about telling him.

I called him up and told him that I needed to talk to him.  I wasn’t in trouble or anything, I just needed to talk.  I went to his office and told him everything.  I sometimes feel awkward talking to him, but this conversation was not like that.  It was one of the most natural and smoot flowing conversations I’ve ever had with him.  He was very understanding about it and was much less dramatic than my mom.

I was afraid that I would feel awkward around them now, but I went to their house yesterday for dinner, and everything was the same as it has always been.  I love my parents so much.  I’m sure it is hard for them to think about having a gay son.  They’re okay with it though, and that means so much to me.