Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Ok, so St. Patrick’s day isn’t for a few more weeks, but I really like this video and I wanted to share it today.

I love the sketch of the leprachaun and the lady who thinks it is a crackhead.  How cool is that?

To Insight

***This was originally going to be a comment on Insight’s post “Love“, but it ended up being long, so I decided to make it into my own post.***

I liked this.  I had read your post and responses on N* earlier, but I couldn’t think of anything to say.  Now I have thought of a few things, and hopefully one of them might be helpful.  I hope I don’t come off as being preachy or anything.  These are just some things that I have learned.

I haven’t always had a great perception of myself.  I hated a lot about me – especially physically.  I was too short, my nose was too big, I have tourettes, my teeth were incredibly crooked, I’m awkward around people, I’m attracted to my own gender, blah, blah, blah.  We ALL make up these lists, and they are (mostly) based on things that the world is telling us.

At the same time I was going through these feelings of self hate, I was also beginning to find out that the church is true.  I had been feeling the love of God more than I ever had in my life up to the point, but there was still something wrong.  I read Matthew 22:36-39:

“Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

“Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

“This is the first and great commandment.

“And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”

I thought that I could do that.  I could Love God, and I could Love my neighbors, but I can hate myself.  That was manageable.  I began to learn, though, that I could only feel the love of God as much as I could feel love for myself.

To make a long story short – I decided I needed to change.  I changed the things I could change, and accepted the things that I couldn’t.  I began to see those unchangeable things – like Tourettes and SGA – as things that make me unique.  I really love myself now, and I feel Gods love so much more.

1 John 4:19 says: “We love Him, because He first loved us.”  That has always stuck out to me.  I used to think that I would have to find some way to get God’s divine approval of me.  As soon as I was perfect, he would love me.  After reading that scripture though, I learned that wasn’t true.  I love him, because he loves me.  His love is not set to any conditions.  It is there for me to accept.

I don’t know how I know that God loves me, but I do know that he does.  It is one of those things that doesn’t make sense to me, but I know it is true.  I don’t really know what else to say other than I love you, and I know that God loves you too.  Let me know if there is anything I can ever do for you!

Glosoli

I couldn’t really find any great ways to fit this in to anything SGA related, so I decided to not even try.  I really like this video.  It is for a song called Glosoli by Sigur Ros.  They are an Icelandic band.  I really like finding new and unusual music, and this is one group that I found a few months ago.

GLOSOLI (English Translation)

Glowing Sun (Bright Sun)
Now that you’re awake
Everything seems different
I look around
But there’s nothing at all

Put on my shoes,
I then find that
She is still in her pyjamas
Then found in a dream
I’m hung by (an) anticlimax

She is with the sun
And it’s out here

But where are you…
Go on a journey
And roam the streets
Can’t see the way out
And so use the stars
She sits for eternity
And then climbs out
She’s the glowing sun
So come out I awake from a nightmare
My heart is beating
Out of control…

I’ve become so used to this craziness
That it’s now compulsory
And here you are…
I’m feeling…
And here you are, Glowing sun…
And here you are, Glowing sun…
And here you are, Glowing sun…
And here you are…

In case you are wondering what happens with the boy at the end – the director says that he flies too.

A Limiting Label

***DISCLAIMER***

Although this post may sound as though I’m upset with myself, I’m not.  I’m just trying to figure things out about myself.

I’m in a class called Sociology, Science, and Religion.  I really like it a lot.  It is so interesting to learn about how religion and society influence each other.  We recently learned about something called the Thomas Theorem.  In my professors words the Thomas Theorem is this:

“If a person defines something as being real, it is real in it’s consequences.”

I didn’t completely understand what he meant by this statement, but he clarified it through an example.  In the days of American slavery, blacks were treated as though they were less than human.  Because they were treated like this, they actually were less than human in a lot of peoples eyes, including their own.  Someone defined them as being less than human, and it’s consequences followed.

I’ve always known that someones perception of a person is very powerful.  I especially learned this on my mission.  If I treated my investigators like they were dumb children, I would get responses from them that reinforced that belief in them and me.  I had one companion who was particularly difficult and actually did act like a child.  It was so hard to not treat him like that.  I wanted him to act like an adult, so I treated him like an adult.  I was with him for three months, and he grew so much in those three months.  I don’t want to take all the glory for it, but I do believe that beceause I treated him differently than he had been treated by other companions, he was able to grow up a bit.

I think that being attracted to guys may be doing the same thing to me.  Sometimes I identify myself as a gay man.  Sometimes I identify myself as someone who struggles with Same Gender Attraction.  I usually don’t know what I want.

Why do I do this to myself?

If I define myself as someone who struggles with same gender attraction or as a gay man, then I consequently become that person.  In my first post I wrote about how this is my struggle.  It is a part of who I am, not who I am.  Unfortunately, I’m letting it become who I am.  It often consumes my thoughts, and I don’t like that.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying that I should go back to lying to myself and telling myself that I’m not attracted to men.  I am.  I’m not ashamed of it.  It is a part of who I am.  What I am saying is that I’ve began to let this define myself, and I don’t like that.  It has caused me to go out of balance.  I’m limiting who I am because I’m identifying myself so much with this particular label.  I tell myself that I won’t get married.  I tell myself that it will never go away.  I tell myself that if I tell people, they will judge me and hate me.  I tell myself so many things about this that I actually believe them.

I don’t want to limit myself anymore.  I want to live life without reservation. I hate when people tell themselves (or worse, when they tell other people) that they can’t do a particular thing.  Why not?  The only thing stopping us from living to our true desires is ourselves.

I’m not going to do that to myself anymore.

Hooray!

My parents are coming to the fireside tonight.  I’m really excited about it, and so are they.

That is all I have to say.