To Insight

***This was originally going to be a comment on Insight’s post “Love“, but it ended up being long, so I decided to make it into my own post.***

I liked this.  I had read your post and responses on N* earlier, but I couldn’t think of anything to say.  Now I have thought of a few things, and hopefully one of them might be helpful.  I hope I don’t come off as being preachy or anything.  These are just some things that I have learned.

I haven’t always had a great perception of myself.  I hated a lot about me – especially physically.  I was too short, my nose was too big, I have tourettes, my teeth were incredibly crooked, I’m awkward around people, I’m attracted to my own gender, blah, blah, blah.  We ALL make up these lists, and they are (mostly) based on things that the world is telling us.

At the same time I was going through these feelings of self hate, I was also beginning to find out that the church is true.  I had been feeling the love of God more than I ever had in my life up to the point, but there was still something wrong.  I read Matthew 22:36-39:

“Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

“Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

“This is the first and great commandment.

“And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”

I thought that I could do that.  I could Love God, and I could Love my neighbors, but I can hate myself.  That was manageable.  I began to learn, though, that I could only feel the love of God as much as I could feel love for myself.

To make a long story short – I decided I needed to change.  I changed the things I could change, and accepted the things that I couldn’t.  I began to see those unchangeable things – like Tourettes and SGA – as things that make me unique.  I really love myself now, and I feel Gods love so much more.

1 John 4:19 says: “We love Him, because He first loved us.”  That has always stuck out to me.  I used to think that I would have to find some way to get God’s divine approval of me.  As soon as I was perfect, he would love me.  After reading that scripture though, I learned that wasn’t true.  I love him, because he loves me.  His love is not set to any conditions.  It is there for me to accept.

I don’t know how I know that God loves me, but I do know that he does.  It is one of those things that doesn’t make sense to me, but I know it is true.  I don’t really know what else to say other than I love you, and I know that God loves you too.  Let me know if there is anything I can ever do for you!


3 Responses

  1. Hidden,

    I really can’t thank you enough for your post. It meant a lot to me that you A) READ my post and B) took the time to post a response! I can relate to so much of what you said. My self perception isn’t the best. I have a long list of things I don’t like about myself. I need to find a way to look past that list and realize that God loves me, no matter how much I don’t. Thanks for sharing those scriptures. I think both have rich meaning. I think I need to spend more time thinking about their significance in my life. Hidden, I love you too. Thanks so much for your friendship! You’re pretty amazing.

  2. I second (well, third, since struggler beat me to it!) everything.

  3. Hidden,
    Thank you for this thoughtful post. It caused a lot of self reflection. Thank you.

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