Random Thoughts at 1:00 AM

I’ve had a lot of thoughts swimming through my head lately.  There are a lot of things that I want to write about, but nothing really big enough or important enough to fill a whole post.  I’ll try to keep this organized, but I can’t make any promises.

I love you guys.  UTMOHO wrote about how incredibly welcomed he (and others) have felt by other MoHo’s.  I feel the same way.  Thank you so much.  That made such a huge impact on me when I began “coming out”, and still helps me now.

I recently went to a friends mission farewell.  She did a really great job, and I loved seeing her and our friends.  I don’t want to minimze how great she did, but it was a different speaker in the meeting that I wanted to write about.  A recent convert spoke, and it was incredible.  From what I was able to gather, he grew up in a small Utah town but wasn’t a member of the church.  He joined the military and was a police officer as well.  He ended up getting into some trouble and went to jail – maybe 3 times – I don’t remember the details.  While in jail, he got a hold of a copy of the Book of Mormon.  One of the things that he said that stuck out to me was this: (paraphrasing) “I was physically in jail, but I was free because of the Book of Mormon.  There are people in this congregation who are now in more of a jail cell because of the way they are living their lives than I was when I was literally in jail.”  I thought that was cool.  He also kept asking: “Is what you are doing with your life working for you?  If not, change it.”  I had to ask myself that.  My life is so much better in so many ways than it was just six months ago.  There are still things that aren’t “working for me” now, but I am so happy.  I love myself again.

I’ve been having afternoon tea once a week with a good friend, and I love it.

I love “My Religious Blog“.

My parents are doing so well.  I have always had a hard time talking to them, and I realized last year that a big reason was because I thought they knew what was going on with me.  I was almost certain they knew that I was gay, that I used the computer for activities other than writing papers, blah blah blah.  Just the thought of them knowing made it difficult for me to look them in the eyes, let alone talk to them.  Now that they know, I enjoy talking to them.  I’ve been able to open up to them about so many things.  My mom and I went to Salt Lake and had a really good talk about what I have been experiencing the last few months.  She has been so accepting of everything.  She doesn’t see me as her gay son.  She doesn’t view this as an illness.  I’m still the same old son she’s always known.  She told me that she would be dissapointed if I were to ever do something with a guy – not because it’s “unnatural”, but because of my testimony and covenants I’ve made.  She said that if we weren’t members of the church and we didn’t know what we know, she would be ok with me living a gay lifestyle.  I thought that was very cool.  I told her about the boundaries I have set for myself – the things I won’t do as well as the things I allow myself to do – and she was happy to see that I had done that.  I really love my mom so much.

I’m trying to figure out how to change some things about my blog, but I’m not very computer savvy.  I want to have seperate pages for different categories so that this blog isn’t all about being gay.  I want to be able to have a page just for SGA stuff, a page for music, a page for humor, and the list goes on.  Once I figure out how to do that, there may be some construction, so please forgive the dust.

Well, I think that is all there is for my random thoughts.  Hopefully they all make sense!

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One Response

  1. I like your random 1am thoughts. I love when people write about how well things are going with their parents and with being open with them. I’m really close to telling my parents what’s going on with me. They really want to know what’s up. I even set an appointment at the university counseling center with a therapist to discuss it. Ahhh. This makes me anxious. Haha. Thank you for sharing how well that is going for you, and how much you’re glad that you told them. Love you man. Stay golden.

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