A Long Awaited Letter from S.

Last December, I posted about my first time at the Matis fireside.  I posed a question to my friend, S. that was something to the effect of “Why do you hang out with us?”  She told me that she had to think about it, and I finally received a response.  Here is what she had to say:

This response is long overdue…

The Question: Why do you hang out with guys like us?

I must admit, this question did not independently cross my mind. However, upon meeting new people, it crossed their minds. And they, like you, asked. I was never really sure how to answer it…

…My answer?

My instinctive and brief answer is to respond with a different question, “Why wouldn’t I?” Honestly, why wouldn’t I hang around you? To me, this is enough. However, I recognize that for some I needed to be a bit more thoughtful. So…

My thoughts:

I reflected on my personal experiences with people who experience SGA. Several years ago I was introduced to a guy who became a good friend. About two years after we met, he called and left me a seemingly frantic message saying he needed to talk. He visited that night and told me he had “met someone and he is very nice…” This was a bit unexpected. That night we talked about his experience as it related to his new relationship. Then, he talked about how afraid he was to tell me because he feared I would no longer be his friend. (Something I honestly did not consider.) In fact, he and I are still friends and I appreciate his enthusiasm and genuine interest in my well-being.

In the background of this experience, another friend was closely watching how I responded. (Of course, I didn’t know it at the time.) Then, about a year later, in an attempt to “help [me] put a lot of things into perspective concerning [his] back-and-forth feelings for [me],” he shared with me his “struggle with same gender attraction.”

And then I met…and…and…and…and you…and…and… I could tell you how each person has influenced my life, but this is your blog. So…using the term “one” to denote “One Person” or even “Several People”…maybe I’ll give just a few examples…One taught me to share my testimony and one taught me to serve others and one taught me to apply the Atonement to my life and one taught me to love and one taught me to be genuine and one made sure I knew I was important and one taught me not to give up…

And you. I remember the first time we met. It was a casual setting, you were working and I was attending a concert. We said “Hi” and had a brief conversation. A few days later we conversed at a Matis Fireside. It was there that I first appreciated your kindness. It was also there that you posed this question. Thanks for that.

A few days later I invited you to my house to play games with friends, but you already had plans. And then you texted and asked if you could bring something over and, of course, I said yes. You came and brought these amazing peanut clusters and we visited with a few of my other friends. Then you left and my friends and I chatted and they said you were cool and mentioned that it was nice you stopped by. Then they left. And I reflected on how it seemed amazing to me, actually…we met only a few days prior and yet you were real.

And even more amazing is that it didn’t stop there. You spontaneously sent texts saying, “I love you!” or posted on-line saying, “S!…I love you!” And your timing was always perfect. Then I posed the question to myself (and probably to God), “How is it that I am surrounded with people who love God, who strive to be better than they are, and who show that they love and appreciate me?”

Now, having said all that, I would be dishonest if I didn’t acknowledge that my experience with “you guys” is not always so positive. I should also admit I’ve experienced sadness and discouragement, I’ve learned to cry (a lot) and I’ve learned to lose. And I suppose these lessons are evidence that I genuinely care…it’s authentic love. I want you guys to see who you are…in God’s eyes and recognize your potential! I know He knows and loves you…and I know He knows and loves me!! And that He has a plan and His plan is perfect! And even though it doesn’t always make sense to us…it always makes sense to Him. Therefore, we have to trust Him. And serve Him…which means serving each other!

Recently our friend, A. Struggler, posted about our family. What a privilege it is to be part of it! Our friends are generally a reflection of who we are. I am surrounded by the most amazing people… lifting one another, as we each journey through the experiences of life. It’s the only way we’ll make it…depending on and sharing with one another…while we trust the Lord and depend on one another to help us see things, even to see ourselves, as God sees us.

So, to S., I want to say how much I love you!  This was perfect. You are so incredible.  I know I told you how much fun I’ve had with you, but I really, genuinely mean it.  You are really a very inspiring person.  Thanks so much for everything you have done for me and so many others!

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One Response

  1. This really was a great post. Thank you for sharing it and thanks to S for writing it. It’s great to have that question answered. I love S and I love Hidden. Thanks for everything you both have taught me!! I wouldn’t be the same with out you guys!

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