Now That She Knows: Part I

First of all, I apologize for those of you who have been waiting patiently for an update on how things are with L and I.  And before I keep writing, I decided that I need to give her a real name for my blog since I write about her so much.  I’ll call her Cookie.  I know that may seem cheesy, but it isn’t.  I don’t do cheesy.  One you meet her and learn more about her, it will make sense.

So…..on to what you want to know about.

I actually didn’t talk to her on Sunday like I was planning to.  It happened Saturday night after I got off work at 10.  I told her that I needed to talk to her about something really important and that I didn’t want to mess with any Mother’s Day plans she may have had, so if she wanted to talk that night we could.  She said that she wanted to, and then I got really nervous.  I knew it was the right time to do it, but I was still nervous.

I picked her up after work and we drove to the Logan Temple.  I had told her that I wanted the right feeling while we were talking, and so I asked her to pray.  She did, and I was already crying.  I expected that I would cry more than she did, so I wasn’t really surprised that I was already crying.  I could tell that she was confused.  I had told her in an earlier text that it didn’t have to do with our relationship or my personal worthiness, but just something important.  She had thought maybe I was moving, but now it was obvious it was much more than that.  After the prayer, I just sat there and cried for about a minute.

And then I came out.  I told her that I wasn’t expecting any certain reaction from her and all I wanted from her was to have an open heart.  She did, and she didn’t give me any reaction really.  I told her everything I could think of saying at that point, and when I was done, she didn’t say anything.  I was finally able to look at her (because I hadn’t been able to look at her up until this point), and she was crying.  Not a lot, but there were definitely tears.  I asked her if she had any questions, and she said that she did, but didn’t know where to begin.  She was definitely overwhelmed.  We/I talked a little bit longer, and I asked her to not talk to anyone who didn’t know about it for a week.  I didn’t want her to tell her mom if she felt like she wanted to until things had sunk in.  I also told her that I didn’t want her to make any decisions about our relationship for about a week.  We went back to my house and walked around the neighborhood and the park near our house.  We talked a little bit about my SGA, but we talked about other things.  We held hands, and then she hugged me and told me that she loved me so much.  That was SO helpful.  We talked a little bit here and there, but she was still numb to everything.

We talked on Sunday a little bit after church, but we were with her family, so we didn’t talk too much about it.  She went to her grandmother’s house for mother’s day, and I went home.  I had a few friends that know the both of us check in with her and see if she needed to talk.  When she got back, we went to S.’s house for a music night.  Almost everyone there was a MoHo or new about us.  I think it was good for her to see them in that light of things.  When I went to drop her off at her house, we started talking about some things she had been thinking about.  We talked more about what I personally experience and not so much about the generalities of SGA.  We talked about concerns that she had and how we would work through it.  She felt a lot better about things, but still had a lot on her mind.

Last night was incredible – but I’m going to save that for another post.  I’ll write it soon, I promise!  Be patient!

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3 Responses

  1. This sounds like such a beautiful experience. So much intimacy is developed as we truly share our deepest fears,trials,and feelings with the love of our life. I know that for me and Amy, many of our most spiritual experiences have been while discussing those feelings that the world would maybe say to keep hush-hush. Complete, open discussion is a fantastic way to build love and trust.

  2. Oh man I’m so happy it went well for you! Best of luck with everything going forward, and can’t wait to hear about last night!

  3. Amen to Brennan & Austin. I am relieved 🙂

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