Why I’m Happy With Being Single and Some Random Thoughts on Marriage

I’m really excited about the fact that I’m going to be single for quite a while.  This may seem strange to a lot of people, and I understand.  I don’t think living single is the answer for everyone that deals with Same Gender Attraction, or whatever you want to call it.

But it is the answer for me.  And I like it.  I’m really excited about it actually.

I think that a lot of times, we as members of the church hear so much about a certain point of doctrine that we leave out some of the important details.  One of those doctrines with important details that are easily overlooked is the doctrine of Eternal Marriage.

The doctrine is that we must marry in order to achieve exaltation.  If we are not presented with the opportunity in this life to marry, we will have that opportunity in the next life.  I have often heard instructors (particularly in priesthood lessons) say that it is our responsibility as men to marry, and if we don’t marry in this life, then we have pretty much missed our chance.  I think that is a mostly true statement, in that it is up to us as men to make sure we get married.  It is understandable for women to not marry because culturally, they aren’t in charge of “popping the question”.  But we, as homosexuals in the church, may not have the opportunity to marry.  Does that mean that if we die without marriage that we missed the boat and will have to be ministering angels for eternity?

No.  I don’t believe so.  God knows what is going on and will be merciful.  Some of us may marry, and some may not.  Either way is fine.  God has a plan for each of us, and marriage may not be on the list of things to do.  I had the “opportunity” to get married.  My girlfriend knew what was going on, and I think she would have been strong enough to deal with it.  But it wasn’t right, and we both knew it.  Did I loose my chance for exaltation?  No.  Absolutely not.  Even though i had that “opportunity”, it was better for me and her to not take it.  And God knows that.  And I can’t be blamed for what I can’t control.

I think that members of the church think that marriage is the only way to have a happy life.  Perhaps a marriage and family will provide the greatest happiness in life, but it is not the only source of happiness. I may never get married.  I know it isn’t in my near future for a lot of reasons, but maybe someday it will be a possibility.  Until that happens though, I’m going to move forward with my life.  That is what I’m excited about.

I feel like I can have a lot/most of the benefits of married life without being married.  Obviously, unless I start dating, I won’t have the benefits of companionship, and that will be hard, but I will still have close friends and family.  I won’t have my own kids, but I will have my sisters kids that I can help raise.

There are a lot of benefits to marriage that I think I’ll be able to feel with what I do with my life.  I plan to teach English in an Asian Country, provide humanitarian aid in third world countries, work in orphanages South America and Africa, and spend a lot of my life helping other people.  I want to let other Latter Day Saints who are “struggling” with Same Gender Attraction realize that they are fine and that life is ok with SGA.  I want to help members of the church realize that we are normal people living normal lives.

I want to spend my life helping others.  That is part of who I am.  I feel happiest when I am helping people become better, and now I have so many opportunities to do that.  And I will.

I can’t wait to live my single life.


4 Responses

  1. I look up to people who are comfortable with being alone. There is definitely a big difference between being alone and being lonely. I have a lot of married friends who would kill for some “alone time”, when before the marriages they were all clingy and desperate :/

  2. Awesome post. With your outlook on life and lofty goals, there is no doubt that you will live a happy and productive life. Living this way, should the right opportunity of marriage come along, you will be in a position to make the most of it.

    If we aren’t well rounded, balanced, strong in our faith, and happy with our lives alone, I don’t think marriage would work anyway.

    With society’s emphasis on marriage, I think we sometimes forget the many great single individuals who contribute so much to making our world a better place.

    Thanks for the inspirational thoughts.

  3. I love your thoughts! Being single definitely has its advantages. While romantic love is harder to develop as a single person, in my opinion, there are certain dimensions of love that are better learned while single.

  4. Great thoughts, man. Given that I’m in a similar place (and have a few years on you :), this is something I think a lot about. I become increasingly convicted that happiness is a choice, a state of being–not something that someone or something external “makes” us–and that until we learn to be happy single, we won’t be genuinely happy married. I whole-heartedly agree with David’s comment that being “alone” is different than being “lonely.”

    Last night, I started reading Alan McGinnis’ “The Friendship Factor,” and in it he writes,

    “Friendship is the learning ground for all other relationships. If we can learn to be skilled at friendship, we will also be good at attracting the opposite sex, building efficient teams at work, getting along with our parents, rearing our children, and staying tight with our mates.”

    I’ve learned that lack of marriage doesn’t mean that we don’t have plenty of opportunity to learn and grow–we’re not “stuck” until we have a ring on our finger. Joseph Smith taught that, “Friendship is a grand fundamental principle of Mormonism.” I love that! Cultivating friendship and intimacy in all our relationships can be one of the most satisfying and enjoyable experiences of life. Those who seem to feel they can’t be happy unless their in a romantic relationship have some personal issues to work through–and likely don’t know how to cultivate meaningful intimacy in their lives, which means it’s not going to just “happen” because their with someone their attracted to.

    Anyway, that was a bit of a soapbox. 🙂 Thanks for the meaningful post!

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