A Prayer for my Father

I’ve never really like it when people send out texts or say something on their Facebook status about how someone is sick and needs your prayers.  I don’t know why I don’t like it, I just never have and have always avoided it.  Today, though, I join the ranks of those who have done so.  I took this from my sisters blog.

My dad is really sick.  It’s been almost 3 weeks since he started feeling awful.  He was diagnosed with pneumonia and given some meds.  He didn’t get better so he went back to the hospital to get checked out.  They gave him a stronger med and sent him home again.  Again he didn’t get better.  On Sunday he went back to the hospital and was admitted.  He’s been there since.  It’s been tested and confirmed that he has pneumonia and swine flu.  His blood oxygen level isn’t good, his lungs are full of fluid, and he needs to be on a ventilator.  They are flying him from the local hospital by my family’s house to Salt Lake so he can get more intense treatment.  His pneumonia and swine flu have developed into Adult Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS) which has a 50% mortality rate.  Needless to say, we’re worried.

If you would, please take a moment to get on your knees, light a candle, do a ceremonial dance, or whatever it is your faith promotes and offer up a prayer for my dad.  I don’t usually publicly ask for things like this but right now he could really use all the help he can get.

Thanks.

I’ve never really been that close to my dad.  I don’t know why, but we’ve always had a pretty awkward relationship.  I don’t hate him or anything, I just don’t feel like I connect with him very well.  I think I am the child that has been the hardest for him to understand.  I still love him though.

I don’t like going to hospitals, and I avoid them whenever I can.  My brother goes quite a lot and has come close to death on quite a few of those hospital trips, but he is still alive.  For that reason, I don’t take staying at the hospital very seriously.  My dad was taken to the Emergency Room on Sunday, and has been very up and down since then.  My sister and I visited him for a few minutes on Monday.  This morning, they flew him to the LDS Hospital in Salt Lake.  I got there about an hour after he arrived.  The rest of my family (except for my older sister) was already there. My dad had been sedated and and restrained.  He has tubes going down his throat to make him breath.  I stood there with my family and a few close friends, watching my dad not breathing on his own, occasionally squirming in discomfort.  I couldn’t handle it and had to leave.  As I left, my older sister showed up.  I had been very composed until I saw her.  I hugged her and began crying.  I don’t know why, but I did.

After I left the hospital, K and I went to a coffee shop to do some homework.  I was feeling sick.  I couldn’t get the image of my suffering dad out of my head.  While I stood in line waiting for my hot chocolate, I felt like I was going to vomit.  I couldn’t take it anymore.  I grabbed my drink and hurried out the back door.

I couldn’t keep my sorrow in any longer.  I sat in an empty parking lot, bawling my eyes out.  I felt so pissed off; I didn’t know what about though.  I just knew I was upset.  I yelled some words that might have made the angels cry, but I didn’t care.  I was mad.  What if my father dies?  What will this do to my family?  How could my mom go on living?  What would happen to us? How the hell could you do this to us?

After a few minutes, I was able to finally put myself back together enough to feel comfortable in public.  I wasn’t able to get anything done.  For the rest of the day, I sat numb, walked distracted, and listened blankly.  I feel like a shell.  I don’t know what I feel right now.

I don’t know how things will turn out.  I prayed tonight, which is something I haven’t done a lot of lately, and I feel a little bit better, but not much.  I know that whatever happens will help me to grow in some way.  I just don’t know if I’m up to any more of this growing by trials crap.

Advertisements

4 Responses

  1. You, your family, and especially your father are in my thoughts and prayers.

  2. My thoughts are with ya and your family man.

  3. hmmmmm…….

  4. […] last thing – those who are interested or who had been following information about my dad and when he got sick, here is an article published by The Deseret News that features his struggle with the Swine Flu […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: