Where Have All The Lesbians Gone?

The title of this post may not be accurate, but I don’t care.

When I first got involved with the MoHo Community, I was afraid of lesbians.  I think this is because they are on the opposite end of the spectrum from where I am.  I was afraid of meeting them or talking to them.  Now I have quite a few lesbian friends, and they really are some of my favorite people.  In talking with them and others, I’ve come to realize the following:  it seems there are very few lesbian mormons as opposed to gay mormons.

It seems that way, but I don’t think it is true.  When I have gone to the Matis Firesides, a vast majority of the women there are there to support their friends.  I have maybe seen 4 or 5 female “strugglers” there.  I know there has to be many more out there than what I have seen or heard from.  Where are you?  Why don’t we hear more from you?

I know it is possible that I’m just not looking or that I am missing something, but I don’t think I am.  Please feel free to answer:  Why don’t we hear much about lesbian mormons (active or not)?  Why do the MoHo’s seemingly outweigh the MoHoChicas so much?


On a slightly unrelated note, I found some videos that I really liked, and I wanted to post a few of them here:


6 Responses

  1. My personal opinion is that in Mormon culture, it’s easier for lesbian women to hide – both from others and even themselves. Within Mormon culture is a sisterhood that encourages platonic intimate relationships.

    Imagine if we had the same thing for the brethren – a brotherhood that encouraged platonic intimate relationships with one another. Would we have the same number of gay men seeking male relationships outside of the constructs of Mormonism?

    Just my $0.02

  2. I am a gay woman in the church. And, I am not hiding. I am right here. Always have been. 🙂

  3. As I mentioned on JGW’s “Mormon Wimmin” post, I don’t think I really count as a lesbian, the score for me is 7 to 4 with men in the lead, and with one and only one man actually in my life for over 30 years.

    I must say that I agree with Abe about Relief Society-it rocks.

    Although, I believe men could have that same level of intimacy we enjoy as sisters and probably did in the early years of the restored church. My guess is there are quorums who do achieve this.

  4. I am a lesbian and consider myself Mormon even though I do not attend church any longer. I personally, do not struggle any longer between being gay and the church. I have been in a 16 year relationship with my wife, whom I love with all my heart. If I could take her to the mormon church proudly as my wife and sit on the front row and hold her hand…I would, but I can’t. So I’m not gonna waste my time trying to fit into a church that I will never fit into. I have a hard time figuring out why any gay people want to put themselves through the pain and mental torture of trying to have both. The church doesn’t want us…this they have made clear.

  5. I was wondering the same thing. I found all these great blogs of mormon gay males…but NO women! Where are they??

    I’m a lesbian. I was raised Mormon. I haven’t been active in church for over 10 years. But Mormonism is something that will always be a part of my life because of my family. I find myself wanting to meet others like me because even though it is no longer a part of my life, it is something that will always be with me and not to mention that the experience of the two (mormon and gay) is very unique.

    I enjoy your blog 🙂
    just wanted to let ya know…we are out here!

  6. Hmmm…I have a couple of ideas here. Perhaps there are fewer visible “MoLes” (a term coined by Family blogger EvolvingLesbian) than male MoHos because, for one thing, women in the Church often grow up with the intense pressure to be perfect wives, mothers, and homemakers. Combine this with the fact that there are more gay guys than gay gals in the world at large (according to some reports, 50% more) because in the womb we all start out as females and, from there, about half go on to become male. This has been used to explain some of the many differences between male and female sexuality (fewer lesbians than gay men, more female than male bisexuals, generally more fluidity and ambiguity to female sexuality–trends particularly researched in depth by Utahn Lisa Diamond, who recently published a book on the subject). Given this generally more prevalent sexual fluidity/bisexuality, and given the extreme expectations of domestic perfection so often imposed on Mormon women, it follows that fewer women would identify or come out as lesbian or bisexual. And of course, certainly not all MoHos have MoHo blogs, so if you think about it–about half the world’s population is female, and only a very small segment of that population is LDS, and only a very small segment of that population is gay, and then a small number of that group blog.

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