To The Person Who Found my Blog by Searching For: “If I’m a Mormon, Do I Have to Stop Being Friends with my Gay Best Friend?”

Whew!  That was a really long title!

So, as you can tell from the title, someone found my blog by doing a search for “If I’m a a Mormon, do I have to stop being friends with my gay best friend?”.  I hope whoever searched for that will read this, because it is written for them.

The Answer:  No.

I kind of wanted to just stop right there, but I feel like there needs to be an explanation too.

Of course, the LDS church views same-sex relationships as wrong, and because of that, many members of the church view any form of homosexuality as evil or gross.  Because we are expected to “avoid the very appearance of evil”, many members of the church think they should reject any thing or person that has the appearance of evil….like a gay person.

I had this same mindset when I got home from my mission.  Two of my best friends had married each other in the temple, and after two years of marriage, they decided to divorce because she had been cheating on him.  She started drinking and all kinds of other things.  She wanted to hang out with me a lot, but I resisted because I felt that I needed to avoid the very appearance of evil.  I had really mixed thoughts.  I wondered what people would think about me if they saw me running around with a divorcee that drinks and doesn’t go to church anymore.  I also wondered what Jesus might do in this situation.  My Mormon instinct to “avoid the very appearance of evil” told me to not hang out with her.  My thoughts what Jesus would do told me that she was in a really hard place and to lose her best friend like that would be devastating.  I chose to leave her, and in doing so, I wrote her an email telling her that I didn’t feel comfortable around her and that I needed to surround myself with good and uplifting things.  She was devastated.  I was the friend that had stuck around the longest, and now I had given up on her.  She started doing things that she probably wouldn’t have done otherwise.

After a lot of thinking and missing her, I decided that I was wrong, and that I needed to be her friend.  I didn’t care what choices she was making.  She was still one of my best friends, and I wanted to be there for her no matter what she did.

You’re gay best friend is still your best friend, and he happens to be gay.  Stick with him.  It will only strengthen your relationship.

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Goals

I decided that I wanted to list a few of my life goals on here.  These are just the ones that come to mind right now, and I’m sure I’ll add on to this list later.

1.  Hike the Appalachian Trail

2.  Live in Finca Bellavista, Costa Rica

3.  Live in a contemporary, minimalist house/apartment

4.  Sell some of my artwork

5.  Finish writing, publish, and conduct a piece of choral music comparable to something Eric Whitacre might write.

6.  Co-own a tea room/bakery with K

7.  Start a sustainable community with K

8.  Write and publish a book

9.  Go to a Sufjan Stevens concert

You Don’t Know Me At All!

Okay, so maybe that was a dramatic title.  It comes from a song by Ben Folds.  That is all.

I’ve started seeing a therapist.  Not to change my orientation or anything like that.  It is more to figure out who I am, to work on depression, and to manage my anxiety and panic attacks I’ve been having in church.  It’s been good for me, but I think the thing I get out of it the most are the realizations I’m making while talking about what I’m feeling.

Today I made a few realizations.  Actually, one was re-realizing that I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere, but that is something I’ve felt my whole life and I’ve already talked about that on this blog.  What I realized today is that I feel like a lot of people have misconceptions of who I am.  This is everyone from my friends and family all the way to anyone who reads this blog and has no idea who I am.  I don’t think I even know who I am.  I think that K and J are the two people that have the best ideas of who I am and what I really think and feel.

Some people think all I talk about is homosexuality.  It is a prominent subject, I’ll admit that, but it isn’t all I talk about or think about.  I have other parts of my life.  Some people think I am a super-mormon guy who thinks this or that.  I’m not.  Some people think I am dating and “living the lifestyle”, as some may put it.  I’m not.

I’m me, and just me.  I don’t fit any stereotypes.  I am an independent man with thoughts of my own.  You probably don’t agree with my thoughts, but that’s okay.  I like what I think, and I base my beliefs on my own personal thoughts.

Just saying.