To The Person Who Found my Blog by Searching For: “If I’m a Mormon, Do I Have to Stop Being Friends with my Gay Best Friend?”

Whew!  That was a really long title!

So, as you can tell from the title, someone found my blog by doing a search for “If I’m a a Mormon, do I have to stop being friends with my gay best friend?”.  I hope whoever searched for that will read this, because it is written for them.

The Answer:  No.

I kind of wanted to just stop right there, but I feel like there needs to be an explanation too.

Of course, the LDS church views same-sex relationships as wrong, and because of that, many members of the church view any form of homosexuality as evil or gross.  Because we are expected to “avoid the very appearance of evil”, many members of the church think they should reject any thing or person that has the appearance of evil….like a gay person.

I had this same mindset when I got home from my mission.  Two of my best friends had married each other in the temple, and after two years of marriage, they decided to divorce because she had been cheating on him.  She started drinking and all kinds of other things.  She wanted to hang out with me a lot, but I resisted because I felt that I needed to avoid the very appearance of evil.  I had really mixed thoughts.  I wondered what people would think about me if they saw me running around with a divorcee that drinks and doesn’t go to church anymore.  I also wondered what Jesus might do in this situation.  My Mormon instinct to “avoid the very appearance of evil” told me to not hang out with her.  My thoughts what Jesus would do told me that she was in a really hard place and to lose her best friend like that would be devastating.  I chose to leave her, and in doing so, I wrote her an email telling her that I didn’t feel comfortable around her and that I needed to surround myself with good and uplifting things.  She was devastated.  I was the friend that had stuck around the longest, and now I had given up on her.  She started doing things that she probably wouldn’t have done otherwise.

After a lot of thinking and missing her, I decided that I was wrong, and that I needed to be her friend.  I didn’t care what choices she was making.  She was still one of my best friends, and I wanted to be there for her no matter what she did.

You’re gay best friend is still your best friend, and he happens to be gay.  Stick with him.  It will only strengthen your relationship.


6 Responses

  1. Everyone has insecurities, weaknesses, or extreme beliefs (whether religious or personal/social), and sometimes, friendships suffer as a result. I think friends do sometimes need to pull apart for the sake of one or both: maybe they’re going in different directions and are better off not distracting or hampering each other, maybe one is striving to change behaviors or overcome addictions and is severely tempted by the other, maybe one is too insecure about his/her decisions to stand up to the challenge of the other’s beliefs or behavior…sometimes, it’s maybe best to part ways, at least for a while. But I don’t think this is the case in most friendships. Thanks for writing this: I’ve been there, too, in the religious mindset that “standing in holy places” means something equivalent to shunning. I hope I’m increasingly strong in the future, so I don’t feel compelled, anymore, to burn bridges for my own sense of security.

  2. Well said Jeff. Love you man. ❤

  3. I noticed the same google search in my blog statistics – must have been the same person visiting my blog.

    My first thought was how sad it is that someone would even have such a question on their mind.

  4. Things like this search and this post are just another example of actions speaking louder than words. As the preceding items indicate, gay/non-member people are not the only ones who can see the hate in the church’s recent actions.

  5. First of all, I just found ur blog from MohoDirectory. It’s good blog!

    Now about ur post, You did the right thing by coming back to her. Just because our friend is a sinner, it doesn’t mean that we should leave.

    A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.


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